posted on August 16th, 2014 | in Core Energy, News, The Emotional Landscape

A Crisis of Belief

 

cassandra struthers

 

 

It has been a sombre week both for the world and for myself. I am sitting nursing feelings that don’t feel good.I feel as if I am stuck in a time warp and that whatever I try to do to climb out of this has no effect; I just cannot change things.

My Core Energy Technique helps to make it a bit more bearable but it is not moving things along. I cannot understand this. Now I find myself questioning the concepts I have held to for so long about spirituality.

What if there is no spiritual realm? My brain is whirring.

This week there has been the suicide of Robin Williams and also the suicide of an unknown person in Edinburgh. We saw the yellow police tape ominously fluttering in the wind at the Bridges, stopping the traffic and pedestrians from entering the area. It must be a “jumper” we thought , and we were proved right. It is strange being present to the awful drama that has been someone else’s anguish. With astonishment I learned later that people had written into a local newspaper complaining that the incident had been a bother for disrupting their normal routes home. They thought the person committing this act of desperation had been very “selfish”. Words fail me. Apparently such similarly sub-human comments had been aimed at the daughter of Robin Williams about her father’s suicide. The crisis in Iraq shows an even more horrendous level of sub-human activity. These Islamist militants are not only a killing cult but are also a torturing one, raping and selling women and children into slavery.

 

 

cassandra struthers

 

 

What is it, if anything, that is giving shape and sense to our world? This is what is giving me so much pain at the moment. I cannot seem to find a format. There are people who are comfortably working and living and expressing themselves with enjoyable conviction. Equally, there are other people struggling to make a living and  who are possibly getting up each morning facing the day without any hope of change in their misery making circumstances. Also what about the many who have nowhere to live, having been hounded out of their homes by armed militant fundamentalists.

 

Why are these  differently downtrodden groups of people having to live such a life?

Why are they keeping going?

How do they keep going?

How do you live in such misery?

How do you live with the pain of no hope of change?

 

In the past this is where I would very comfortably fall back on the belief of a spiritual level to help those who are able to “let go into acceptance”. The suffering which I am feeling right now won’t let me have this easy way out; I think there has to be another level from which understanding will once again flow for me. Until it does, I  must go on living with this discomfort of jumble and blind alleys.

My only belief  is that almost of  an existentialist nature at the moment. This translates as ….I am conscious therefore I stay present with that consciousness and let it inform me in whatever way it is able. It is step by step as I let my feelings connect with my mind and let that connection birth the next moment of understanding, and so on and so on. It is as if I am having to keep the brakes on at every moment there is movement as I stay with the realness of each moment rather than sink into old thought precepts.

Perhaps there is no format . I see the world as a seething mass of energy  with which we are connecting  very little. Instead we are busily working a minuscule corner of it thinking this tiny bit is what is all important and those who are apparently the most “successful ” are those who are best at make believe.

 

cassandra struthers

 

 

Somehow my experience of suddenly having no format to fall back on, feeling the pain of no certainty, has opened my eyes to a different world. This world is one that is strangely free of set patterns and compartments and narrow ideas of success or failure. There  is much more at stake; there is a greater reality to open up to now.

 




6 Comments
  1. Amanda Lieb - August 19, 2014

    Cassandra,
    I love your writing. Thank you for your blog.

  2. Cassandra Struthers - August 19, 2014

    Amanda
    I am glad you have enjoyed my blog, especially as the subject matter is not easy to grapple with. I truly appreciate others who are delving like myself and also who are open to going beyond the everyday concepts.

  3. Timothy Kearns - August 25, 2014

    Thanks for writing this. Some of what you say reminds me most of the trip Aeneas took to the world below, bleak, yet pusling with life. May I ask a question? What things in your life are most real to you right now? It may seem far too probing to ask a stranger, but I just wonder, because your description is one of a world that has become almost opaque.

  4. Cassandra Struthers - August 26, 2014

    An interesting question Timothy.
    At the moment I am living my life with a slightly measured thoughtfulness. Maybe that would seem to have the “opaque” quality to which you allude. Under the surface I am aware of a constant stream of pain but which does not feel in itself painful; I accept this is part of the growing pains of further awakening of my consciousness. I think this is very much part of the human condition and that we have to go through the pain of letting go of the untrue.
    I believe we all have our own truth to work with; Indeed in my work I always work with each person in a way to help them as much as possible find their own inner sense of their truth in order to get the most out of their lives.
    If that hasn’t answered quite what you were asking, please ask again.
    I appreciate very much this kind of true interaction.
    All Best Wishes
    Cassandra

  5. Timothy Kearns - August 26, 2014

    A current of pain that one watches but by which one is not swept away—I think you did answer my question. I admire your willingness not to be comforted by old comforts; instead you seem open to being stirred by the reality of things. I do hope you keep writing on this. Here’s a thought I pose tentatively: Maybe the only way to find the truth for you is to hold on to that pain, how clear and visceral it is, and let that pain remain a part of your apprehension of “what is”, as you said in another post.

  6. Cassandra Struthers - August 27, 2014

    Timothy
    Thank you for your feedback.
    I have written two follow-up posts on this subject and it seems to me that it is important to go with whatever presents itself. I work with my Core Energy Technique always with this.
    In terms of “holding on to the pain”, that goes against the process, which is one of “being present” until the next shift takes place. One mustn’t impose any concept and it is important not to hold on but to let the detaching happen naturally. There is a point when you know you have cleared through the particular layer; it is like an ebb and flow.
    Best Wishes
    Cassandra

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