I am feeling a bit restless.
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After the last rather fraught few weeks I felt ready for a holiday. Husband, daughter and I set off for Palma, Spain. My thinking was that it would be good to go somewhere where we didn’t have to hub. Theoretically it was good thinking…
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It has been two weeks since I flagged up my confusion and misery about the whys of so many disparate acts of brutality and unjust pain in the world. Not great fun to read and certainly not great fun to be experiencing but that was what had hit me … like a bolt from the blue.
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Well, I have thrown away my crutches of set beliefs…and I am still standing. The thing is that I didn’t know I was using crutches, but what I did know was that something wasn’t right.
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I am feeling better … as in I don’t feel so lost.
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It has been a sombre week both for the world and for myself. I am sitting nursing feelings that don’t feel good.I feel as if I am stuck in a time warp and that whatever I try to do to climb out of this has no effect; I just cannot change things.
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It is very important to feel good about yourself. There are two ways I take this seriously. I meditate daily, using my own mindfulness Core Energy Technique along with a special body relaxation technique. Secondly, I love dressing myself in clothes which I enjoy.
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A few days ago I found myself driving around the area of Banchory, in Royal Deeside. The area , especially on such a day when the sun accentuated the greens of the trees and hills all around, is spectacularly beautiful. I could see how this area must have appealed to Victoria and Albert, being so wild and far away from all the royal protocol of the time.. Because the road had so many twists and turns, I was driving more sedately than usual otherwise I probably would not have had the experience I did.
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I sat on the balcony looking up at the couple of birds swiftly fluttering their wings against the blue of the sky.
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You know what it’s like; when you are wholly at ease in the warmth of sunshine, you can’t ever imagine the chill of a grey day. So it is with the personal emotional landscape.
